The birth of a baby can trigger a whirlwind of powerful emotions, from excitement and joy to fear and anxiety. But it can also result in something you might not expect — depression.
A lot of you may not know, but I’ve been struggling with postpartum depression for some time now. Despite my overeating, excessive use on vices, random crying every day, feeling worthlessness, and lack of creativity, I still chose to ignore the fact that something has been off with me for months. At the time these feelings started to arise – I guess I felt too “strong” to speak up for help from my support system.
I however, tried my best to stay positive with prayer in hopes my emotional state would somehow change or better yet, disappear but this one, I just couldn’t shake! I became extremely discouraged because I couldn’t help but to feel like I should be doing so much more, that I should be back “snatched” with my former body, or that I should be back working. If I’m being honest, I HATE the person I physically see in the mirror and social media and now being quarantined does not help (idle time x idle mind).
I had to face the facts that my weight loss goals were not realistic with the timing I planned for. After all, Royce is ONLY 6 months! My depression has started to seep into my self-esteem, my relationships, my personal life, my spirit, my thoughts and my career. I often feel like I've lost myself and the control I had over my life. As I soul searched the root of the problem, I found that my depression came from me unsuccessfully trying to live between two worlds. The world before my baby and the world after my baby. I had to choose one. That meant being willing to let go of the old and embrace my new world, new me, new life and even my new body although it's not the body I want or am used to.
Although I am still a work in progress, I strictly plan to focus on my new life with my beautiful baby but in order to succeed at this, I have to stop trying to get my old life back! *THE HARD PART* but I am looking forward to the transition. I believe this new phase will help me move away from old thinking, allow imagination for new possibilities and free myself from redundant ways of living.
To Mamas navigating through postpartum depression, just know we walk this journey together. Trust the process and know these feelings are temporary. Let's take the time to apply the 3 A’s to our new normal -- ACCEPT, ADJUST & ADVANCE! Take one day at a time and don't be afraid to ask your support system to help guide you into happiness. This too shall pass!